Do You Hear What I Hear?

L. Dwight Turner

Although many things in the modern world conspire to deafen us to the subtle voice of the Father, rest assured that his voice is indeed there. God calls to us continually, asking us to put down our nets and, like the fishermen disciples of old, come and follow. Jesus tells us in John 6:44 that no one comes to him unless the Father first draws him. What this means in highly practical terms is that we not only have a God, we have a proactive God that seeks relationship with us. Our end of the bargain is to put ourselves into a position of deepening receptivity, so that we might hear his voice more clearly and experience his love more intensely.

 There are others who hear God’s voice and respond, accepting his offer of grace, forgiveness, and acceptance into his blessed family. These are generally sincere disciples and are often quite active in their local church fellowship. They also involve themselves in service work and serve the Master to the best of their ability. Yet it is these very people – these sincere followers of the Lord – who, in their heart of hearts, often find themselves asking, “Isn’t there something more to the Christian life? I feel like something is missing. I can’t put my finger on it, but there is a vague emptiness…”

 It is to these genuine disciples that the still, small voice comes beckoning in the silence of a sleepless night, or drifting in on the golden leaves of an autumn wind. That irresistible, persistent voice that repeatedly whispers:

 Come, follow me….

 When we find ourselves in such a situation, we need to recognize that we are both blessed and vulnerable. We are blessed in that the divine source, the creative power that put this awe-inspiring universe together, seeks relationship with us. The incomprehensible intelligence that maintains all that we see and even more remarkably, the mysterious quantum realm that we don’t see, together in harmonious balance desires intimacy with us – intimacy beyond anything we have ever known.

 Yes, friend, God calls to us in a gentle voice that only the mystic can truly hear. And in that persistent calling, the Creator invites us to join in the mysterious dance of spiritual transformation. Most amazingly, he is not calling us to go into a monastic hideaway or a hermit’s cave, but to stay put right where we are. And if we stay and we become open and discerning, he will use the mundane events of our daily round as his methodology of instruction. More often than not, God’s classroom is characterized by the pedagogy of the ordinary and it is precisely in the realm of the unremarkable that true divine alchemy occurs. Sue Monk Kidd, a woman who knows this process through personal experience, describes it this way:

 It seems to me that Christ continually calls us through the daily events of our lives…In moments like these God stirs the waters of our lives and beckons us beyond where we are to a new dimension of closeness with Him…God desires to transform certain experiences of ours into awakening events. These may be our most common moments, but if we let them they can become doorways to a deeper encounter with Him. Who knows at what moment we may begin to wake up to the astonishing fact that Emmanuel (God with us) is still God’s name, that every moment the Word of God, Jesus Christ, is coming to us.

 I know that in my experience, God calls me in ways I never expected. I have discerned his voice in the sacred silence of meditative stillness and his message has often slapped me to my senses as it spoke from the pages of Holy Scripture. I have also learned to be increasingly sensitive to his call as manifest in the choreographic harmony of the natural world and especially when it dances in the eyes of a child.

 If you want to validate the existence of this divine presence, forget your test tubes, your state-of-the-art laboratories, and your most advanced computer programs. Instead, go find a child and spend the day with them. Any kid can teach you more about the inner workings of this energy, what the Chinese call the ‘Dao, than an entire university physics faculty.

Children are one of the most spectacular yet subtly sublime gifts God can bestow upon us. God surprised and blessed my wife and I with the birth of Salina in May, 2004. For me, it was particularly surprising as I was 55 at the time. Now I am 60 and Salina celebrated her fifth birthday a few months back. In this past half-decade, I have been given a new perspective on why Jesus told us to be as little children if we wanted to see the kingdom.

Salina has always amazed me with her curiosity, her sense of discovery, and especially her spontaneous wonder and awe as she encounters things new and exciting. Further, she never tires of things that strike her fancy, especially if I do something that she likes but has never really seen before. I am reminded, for example, when I first showed her how to blow bubbles with bubble gum. For me, it was old hat – but for her, this simple act was like seeing a rainbow for the first time or discovering the wonders of ice cream. Whenever I produced a large, pink bubble as if by magic, she would pop it with her hand, laugh in that way that only children can laugh, and say, “Do it again, Daddy; do it again.”

This amazing ability to turn something new into an almost sacred event is, I think, part of that unsullied and untainted aspect of the image of God that we are blessed with in our creation. Moreover, children never seem to tire of monotony, at least until they get a bit older. At those miracle ages of two through five or so, kids just seem to revel in both newness and repetition. I am reminded of the famous words of G.K. Chesterton:

Because children have abounding vitality, because they are in spirit fierce and free, therefore they want things repeated and unchanged. They always say, “Do it again”; and the grown-up person does it again until he is nearly dead. For grown-up people are not strong enough to exult in monotony. But perhaps God is strong enough to exult in monotony. It is possible God says every morning, “Do it again” to the sun; and every evening, “Do it again” to the moon. It may not be automatic necessity to make all daisies appear alike; it may be that God makes every daisy separately, but has never grown tired of making them. It may be that He has the eternal appetite for infancy: for we have sinned and grown old, and our Father is younger than we.”

Sometimes when I sit quietly and open myself to what Chesterton says in these few words and what the Holy Spirit speaks to me when I reflect on them, I am literally stunned into silence; and then I shiver.

Children have not forgotten how to experience our world with a sense of wonder and awe. Noted Jewish philosopher Abraham Heschel, one of my very favorite authors, calls this capacity for reverence in life “radical amazement” and affirms that the spiritual journey cannot be completed until we reattain this inborn spiritual quality. Heschel makes this statement, “The beginning of awe is wonder and the beginning of wisdom is awe.” When I first discovered these words, I pondered on the meaning for weeks and eventually discovered by doing so I totally lost their true import. I have come to see that Heschel is alluding to the fact that true wisdom begins with the experience of awe, and this basic sense of “radical amazement” has its birth in a childlike wonder at the incredible thing we flippantly call “life” ; the unfathomable creation that surrounds us every moment. I will let Heschel say the rest:

The secret of every being is the divine care and concern that are invested in it. Something sacred is at stake in every event…..The meaning of awe is to realize that life takes place under wide horizons, horizons that range beyond the span of an individual life or even the life of a nation, a generation, or an era. Awe enables us to perceive in the world intimations of the divine, to sense in small things the beginning of infinite significance, to sense the ultimate in the common and simple; to feel in the rush of the passing the stillness of the eternal.

Deep in my personal spirit, when it is connected with and animated by the Holy Spirit, I know with certainty that my daughter Salina innately understands this. She cannot articulate it with the eloquence of Heschel but she expresses this sense of radical amazement nonetheless. Every time she giggles when Daddy blows a bubble; every time she sits on the deck and watches birds feeding in the back yard and cows feeding in the field beyond; every time her eyes dance with wonder when she sees a sunset and screams, “Look Daddy, God is smiling,” – I know she gets it just as much as Heschel ever did and just as much as I long to once again.

I am always amazed at how she sees the world in all its glory, the way God intended it to be seen, and responds without any sense of guile or bewilderment. Just yesterday we stopped the car along a rural lane near our home to watch a group of wild geese circle a field, then land in a large pond. My daughter’s eyes grew wide as she saw these birds gracefully glide almost silently on to the surface of the water. She sat there spellbound as she quietly took in this aspect of God’s remarkable world.

 My grandfather was in many ways my first spiritual director. Working as a game warden, a career that my father also pursued, he spent most of his time in natural settings and he had this uncanny ability to see the intricate and interconnected patterns that were everywhere to be witnessed if a person only had “eyes to see.” My grandfather often said that it was important to see each new day with what he called “fresh eyes.” A deeply spiritual man, he rarely attended the Baptist Church where my grandmother was an active member. Instead, he often went off into the woods of north Alabama with one of us grandkids in tow, giving us his own version of Sunday School.

 I don’t say this to discount the importance of church-going, only to say that, for my grandfather, it was not a high priority. Coming from a family with a long tradition of Quakerism, my grandfather treasured silence and solitude and often told me that my “inner light” could best be seen on a calm lake or pristine mountaintop. According to my grandfather, the best way to rediscover my “fresh eyes” was to go into nature and go into “the sacred silence,” then just notice what was going on around me. Yesterday, as I watched Salina as she “noticed” the geese as they went about their business, I understood deeply that she had “fresh eyes” and that most children possessed this significant talent, at least until they were educated out of it.

 I also understood why my grandfather never said I needed to develop fresh eyes; he always said I needed to rediscover them. The childlike perspective of awe and wonder that we all possessed when we were young is still there. Our task, with the divine assistance of the Holy Spirit, is to go through the cognitive clutter we have all accumulated and find it once again.

 On the way home I also recalled a passage from a remarkable little book, written by Jeanne Gowen Dennis. The book is entitled, Running Barefoot on Holy Ground and subtitled, Childlike Intimacy With God. A fine and educative book, “Running Barefoot” discusses the notion of having fresh eyes. Let’s listen to the author:

 “Why do children notice so many things that adults miss? Maybe being closer to the ground gives them an advantage. Perhaps it’s because they’re discovering the wonders of the world around them for the first, second, or twentieth time, and somehow the novelty has not yet worn off. Unlike most adults, little children also pay attention to details. We are so distracted by our responsibilities that we often miss what is right before us. Perhaps we should take regular walks with toddlers and let them lead us along. Still, we’ll only learn to see through their eyes if we use the time to exercise our sight, not just our bodies.”

 Having Salina around has been a blessing in many wonderful ways, but one of the most beneficial spiritual lessons she has brought my way is helping me rediscover my fresh eyes – helping me learn to see again. She has in some magnificent manner taught me the spiritual discipline of “noticing.” For example, there was the time she looked into a clear night sky at a quarter-moon and said, “Look, it’s just like my fingernail,” or the occasion when she sat in wondrous rapture watching three butterflies flitting about on our back deck. As the two of us “noticed” the choreography of their airborne dance, I became aware that I was, for a few brief moments, actually seeing what was going on. It was, in a word, exhilarating.

 All of this comes natural to children, but we adults must now somehow train ourselves to be open to the marvels God parades before us on a daily basis. It not only involves “slowing down to smell the roses,” no – it goes much deeper than that.  In my experience, I have had to learn to live in my body again; allowing myself enough time to become reacquainted with my five basis senses and perhaps discover a few I didn’t know, or more likely forgot, that I even had. In order to see like a child, I needed to rediscover how to experience life in the pristine clarity of the moment – unsullied by morbid memories or future fears.

 I not only needed to learn how to see – I needed to learn how to be.

 A good way to begin this process of rediscovery is by learning to pay attention to what is coming in through your senses. Pick on of your senses, say hearing, and go outside and just spend five minutes paying attention to what you hear – the birds chirping in the trees, a distant plane overhead, a passing truck on the Interstate two miles away. Don’t strain to do this; simply allow the sounds to come in and just notice them. Just allow them to be what they are and just allow yourself to just be. I have found it useful to spend about three days on each one of my senses and to keep a journal of my experiences. I record what I noticed and also what prevented me from being present to my surroundings. For me, as well as others I have taught to use this exercise, let the sense of vision be the last one you focus on. I can’t explain why this seems to be the best way to do this, all I can say is, for the majority of people, it works best that way.

 In conclusion, let me suggest one other thing that might seem a bit silly to you. You may, in fact, think this is childish. Yet, when you think about it, that’s the whole point, isn’t it. Try doing things the way a young child does them. Experiment with your body and your posture. What do I mean? I’ll close with this quotation, again from Dennis’ book:

 “To see as children see, all our senses must be alert. New worlds open up when children exercise their power of sight. They see with fresh eyes – fully, simply, and in intricate detail. Young children experience each new discovery to the fullest, first with their mouths, then with their hands and fingers, and finally with their whole beings. They “see” with all their senses and in every possible position: on their knees, on their stomachs, on their backs, upside down, backward, and sideways. They explore the world with eyes wide open, closed, or squinted; through drinking glasses or cellophane; from inside cabinets, under coffee tables, and even in mirrors.”

 If you apply these ideas you may, like my daughter Salina and the great poet William Blake, discover (rediscover) that you “hold infinity in the palm of your hand.”

 © L.D. Turner 2009/All Rights Reserved

God Encounters: Sacred Silence

L.D. Turner

For many sincere followers of Jesus, the Master’s words about being with us always and about his love for us are little more than arid ideas with little emotional, experiential impact. This is due to the fact that so many times we are distracted by “busyness” and spend little time communing with the light and love that are the first emanations from Christ’s being. The only way to rectify this and turn God’s love for us into a living, life-changing reality is through regular periods of quiet communion. Contemporary spiritual director Jan Johnson speaks clearly to this issue, reminding us of the importance of our times of spiritual refreshing:

 One of Jesus’ greatest promises was this: “I am with you always.” (Matthew 28:20), but we may not experience this. Instead, we keep praying, “God be with us.” That’s because we are distracted by life’s thousand demands and by our habit of filling in empty time slots with entertainment. Our mind flashes from one thing to another, always occupied. A weekly visit to church can’t begin to penetrate this busyness. Contemplation reconnects us with God in the midst of this scatterdness. Life pulls me in so many directions – between the demands of my work, my husband’s plans, the kid’s needs…..I may say I am “thirsty for God as the deer is for water,” but at the moment I need to get my hair cut. However, when I pause to contemplate and be with God, I sense that this God who holds the universe together can also hold me together. In the quiet, I recall how God has helped me in the past. Without the clamor of demands around me, I remember that I am one God so loves.

  Contemplative practice can be far more than a powerful mode of mystical prayer – it can also be an exercise in healing. This is especially true in relation to psycho-spiritual issues. Jan Johnson discusses a few of the ways in which contemplative practice can help with personal healing:

 The practice of contemplation creates a bond with God in which God can heal the scatterdness of our lives and these other unhealthy spiritual states you may be experiencing:

 Spiritual dryness

Guilt and Shame

Lack of Direction and Purpose

 I don’t know about you, but in my life, I can relate to all three of these negative psycho-spiritual states. And, like Sister Jan, I have found that contemplative prayer, in whatever form it might take, can be of immense value.

 Evelyn Underhill, that master of the mystic life, vividly described the nature of her prayer life in its more negative aspects:

 We mostly spend our lives conjugating three verbs: to want, to have, and to do. Craving, clutching, and fussing, we are kept in perpetual unrest. My jabbering prayers have been full of what I want, what I think I should have, and what I want God to do.

 Johnson goes on to describe how our self-absorbed prayers have a tendency to lead us down the road of spiritual anguish and despair. In the end, it results in a sense of hopeless desperation and the irony of it all is that it stems from our own misguided notions of what prayer is to begin with:

 Imagining He has let us down, we become estranged from Him. In a culture that teaches us to perform for rewards, prayer becomes one more place of defeat and God is one more disappointment. We may even keep going through the motions spiritually – going to church, helping others – but in our heart we wonder, “If God is good, wouldn’t He give me the good things I want? Because He doesn’t, either God is not good, or I’m hopeless….We come to a dismal place because we misunderstand prayer as a means to have our desires fulfilled instead of a place to encounter the compassionate, all-seeking God.

 There are times, those special times when I sink deeply enough into the silence, when I come face to face with my own tendency to not pay close enough attention to what is going on in these “quiet times.” I love the way the writer closes out the paragraph with that stinging juxtaposition about whether we see prayer as a place where we have our desires filled or a venue where we encounter the compassionate, all-seeking God.

 Sometimes I think we lose track of how incredible the whole concept and process of prayer is. I know I am guilty as charged. In my work at LifeBrook I once designed a two-day training, not on prayer as many people had asked, but on preparing for prayer. You see, I had come to the point of awareness where I saw that I had not been giving the practice of prayer the place of honor it deserved.

 It is hard to express this in words, but I had a personal epiphany around this issue. It dawned on me, in my gut, that when I went into my prayer closet I was coming into the presence of that very being, that inexplicable intelligence responsible for putting together this incredible universe, with all its complexity, diversity, and finely-tuned balance. Friends, it literally took my breath away.

 What made this prayer experience so profound for me was the reality that God, the divine being and creator of all that is and ever will be, not only wanted to spend time with me, but he actually loved me. And what is even more amazing was the fact that his love was not static, but instead, was dynamic – a genuine affection that provided me with provision, purpose, and passion for life. As I sat there in silence that blessed morning, the words of the prophet Jeremiah jumped off the page and penetrated my heart in a way both novel and life-changing:

 For I know the plans I have for you…They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. I will be found by you…I will end your captivity and restore your fortune. (Jeremiah 29:11-14a)

 As I said, this episode literally left me panting for breath, but it didn’t end there. As is my practice, I normally take a book of devotions with me into my prayer sanctuary, just in case the Spirit leads me to open and read, especially if my period of prayer seems do be without direction. I opened the book, a short collection of essays on scriptural themes. It was no coincidence that I opened the book to the page where I had placed book mark, totally at random, prior to beginning this period of prayer. You can imagine what I felt when I began to read these words by Lloyd Ogilvie:

 Talk about a conversation opener! Imagine someone you love and admire and whose thoughts and opinions you cherish, saying to you, “You are constantly on my mind. And when I think of you they are wonderful thoughts of peace and future happiness for you. I’m pulling for the very best for you. What a joy it is to be your cheerleader!” I would not be difficult to find time for conversation with a person like that. Multiply the best of human care and concern for us a billion times and you’ve only begun to fathom God’s love for us as He calls us into conversation. That’s the whole point of time alone with God. It is to allow Him the opportunity to love us.

 Rather than write more about this, let me issue you a challenge. Over the next week, spend a block of time each day, say 15-30 minutes, during which you reflect on just what prayer is and what it is not. Really spend time with this, keep a small journal of your thoughts, and especially consider just who and what it is you are encountering when you go into prayer.

 Don’t approach this as an exercise in intellectual snobbery or any kind of effort at theological description. Instead, let your heart lead you into your response.

Be especially open and sensitive to meeting the incredible being that created all that is, even you, in all its incredible complexity.

If you persist with this exercise over a period of several weeks, I predict your prayer time will be forever transformed. Try it and see.

 © L.D. Turner 2009/All Rights Reserved

Sacred Sanctuaries: Finding God in the Woods and Sky

L. Dwight Turner

A vital aspect of connecting with the Divine Source is to recognize that God reveals himself through the created world and does so with great power and clarity. I tend to view the natural order as Sacred Scripture, for that is exactly what it is. In our technologically advanced society we have become quite removed from the intricate choreography that is evident in the dance of creation. Whenever we allow ourselves to get away from our usual fast-paced, stress-driven lifestyles and force ourselves to slow the pace down to a reasonable level, the Spirit can and does speak to us through things like trees, rivers, flowers, boulders, and even bugs. We, however, have to have eyes to see and ears to hear if we want to establish, maintain, and especially deepen our contact with God through nature. Mark Scandrette, in his great book entitled, Soul Graffiti, tells us:

 

In the hurried and technological society in which we live, we may have to be more intentional about practices that help us recognize the goodness of God revealed in creation. Many of us live and work in contexts that are divorced from the rhythms of the natural world. We have lost our connection to the soil, our food sources, and the skill of making things with our hands. We rarely notice the rising or the setting of the sun. We gulp food without tasting. We rarely pause to look at the flowers or into the eyes of a child. Our pace of life affects our capacity to appreciate the goodness of the bounty that surrounds us. The demands of a hurried life and the dominance of technology cloud our awareness. Slowing down and learning to pay attention to the moment may be a path to affirming God’s essential goodness and presence.

 

I believe attentiveness is truly a spiritual discipline, just like meditation, solitude, prayer, fasting, celebration, and all the others. Mindfulness, so much a central part of Buddhism, is basically unheard of in Christian circles. St. Francis and Brother Lawrence seem to come closer than most, but both of these saints have long since passed on. As followers of Christ, we should be ever grateful to God for revealing himself to us through the scriptures of nature and further, we should express thankfulness for those contemporary voices that are now speaking of the significance of these matters. Keep this pair of words before you my friends:

 

Mindfulness and the Discipline of Noticing

 

The more mindful we are of what is happening around us, the more sensitive we will become to what Erwin Raphael McManus calls “divine moments.” The more we practice “noticing,” the more we will know about the God we worship and follow.

 

As mentioned earlier, our contemporary environment, especially in the cities and suburbs, removes us from the natural rhythms of life and the natural world. As a result, we often miss divine messages that come our way. Rarely do we take the time to “consider the birds of the air or the lilies of the field.” It is our loss but it is something that can be regained. Further, God is able to speak to us through the created world in spite of our hectic schedules and artificial lifestyles. Wayne Teasdale, a contemporary Catholic mystic, speaks of these divine moments and their importance to our spiritual formation.

 

Most of us can probably point to such moments in the inner geography of our development, moments in which the universe, the earth, or the natural world have communicated to us something of their numinous quality. Such experiences are common; everyone has them sooner or later whether we realize it or not.

 

Although we are conceptually unaware of it at the time, natural mysticism is often our first true and valid experience of the divine side of things. I personally believe we have this capacity as a necessary part of our natural endowment at birth. As children, we are able to “see” things more directly and more clearly, rather than filtering our raw experience through a maze of conceptual explanations. In a very real sense, we can see the world through “eyes of radical wonder.” Unfortunately, our culture soon educates this blessed talent out of us before we are ten years of age. As a result, our world becomes less magical and equally less real. We end up inhabiting a world consisting of the interpretations of experience rather than the experience itself. All of this happens in the name of something called “our own good.”

 

Fortunately, this trend has been changing over the past two decades as people become more aware of the sacred nature of creation and the fact that humankind is an integral part of created order. This new, healthier view of things is increasingly based on the realization that all of the natural world is like on giant hologram in which all the parts are interconnected and contain a perfect image of the whole. Along with advances in ecological studies, biology, and quantum physics, this paradigm shift is seen as part of the emerging Interspiritual Age. Teasdale continues:

 

The Interspiritual Age is witnessing a new flowering of natural mysticism and natural contemplation. It welcomes natural mysticism’s role in a universal understanding of mysticism itself. It realizes that natural mysticism is an important part of spirituality, and that spirituality – indeed, interspirituality – would be incomplete without the inclusion of mystical wisdom that comes to us through the natural world and the cosmos.

 

There have always been those who sensed a special kinship with the natural world and those of us who have been fortunate enough to have encountered one of these blessed saints should be forever grateful. I have had the privilege of knowing several such individuals and benefited greatly from their presence in my life in general and from their teaching in particular. I wrote of two of these special people on the LifeBrook International blog. One was my grandfather and another was “Old Ben,” a Native American man who lived near my childhood home. Both taught me a great reverence for the created order and each, in his own way, imparted a special sense that allowed me to hear the heartbeat of God in the Pine and Palmetto woods of Southwest Florida and in the forests, streams, and mountains of Northeast Alabama.

 

Always an avid reader, another influence on my nature mysticism was Jewish scholar and author Abraham Heschel. Heschel’s writings showed me the importance of experiencing a sense of “awe” and “radical amazement” when encountering God’s handiwork in the natural world. I recommend Heschel’s work highly.

 

My favorite writer in this genre, however, is without question Annie Dillard. Reading A Pilgrim at Tinker Creek was an epiphany for me. I have read it five times now, and still find nuances I had not seen before. Dillard has that rare ability to describe nature with a prose style all her own and, at the same time, share her faith in an unobtrusive and inoffensive way.

 

And of course, any mention of influential writers in this area has to include Thomas Berry, a farmer, a mystic, and an environmentalist of the first degree. Another is John Muir, whose descriptions and work in the Redwood forests of Northern California are classic.

 

As the near future unfolds, I will gradually be writing more about the importance of the mysticism of nature and the concepts of mindfulness and the “Discipline of Noticing.” During my quiet time over the past month or so, I have felt a gentle nudging of the Holy Spirit to take up this project. I have found that if I ignore these leadings of the Spirit, after awhile they are not so gentle. Further, if I even then refuse to follow, sadly, they disappear.

 

I have no intention of letting that happen.

 

© L.D. Turner 2009/All Rights Reserved.

Thoughts About My Four-Year-Old Roshi

Mick Turner

As this final month of the year is winding down and the New Year is already taken up residence in the birth canal, I have been reflecting a bit on the past year and some of its blessings. I suspect this is a healthy thing to do, given the general negative state of the economy and just about everything else we hear about on the daily news.

 

As some of my readers are already aware of, I have a daughter, Salina, who just turned four this past May. She is my jewel and my angel, all rolled into one, but then, I need to refrain from gushing like a proud Daddy. Otherwise, I won’t make the point I want to make. Some of you are also aware that I was 55 years old when Salina was born.  She came along late in my life and I am certain that she was a gift to Li and I for some special reason I can’t even begin to fathom. Let it suffice to say that Sacred Spirit surprised us back in 2003, when my wife and I discovered that Li was pregnant. Also let it be said that Salina has been my Roshi, Guru, Rinpoche, and Great Teacher for four years now. I have learned so much from her; far more than I have taught her.

 

More pertinent, perhaps, is the fact that she has done this by just being who she is – a four-year-old girl in whose eyes I can still clearly see the smile of God.

Salina has always amazed me with her curiosity, her sense of discovery, and especially her spontaneous wonder and awe as she encounters things new and exciting. Further, she never tires of things that strike her fancy, especially if I do something that she likes but has never really seen before. I am reminded, for example, when I first showed her how to blow bubbles with bubble gum. For me, it was old hat – but for her, this simple act was like seeing a rainbow for the first time or discovering the wonders of ice cream. Whenever I produced a large, pink bubble as if by magic, she would pop it with her hand, laugh in that way that only children can laugh, and say, “Do it again, Daddy; do it again.”

This amazing ability to turn something new into an almost sacred event is, I think, part of that unsullied and untainted aspect of the image of God that we are blessed with in our creation. Moreover, children never seem to tire of monotony, at least until they get a bit older. At those miracle ages of two through five or so, kids just seem to revel in both newness and repetition. I am reminded of the famous words of G.K. Chesterton:

Because children have abounding vitality, because they are in spirit fierce and free, therefore they want things repeated and unchanged. They always say, “Do it again”; and the grown-up person does it again until he is nearly dead. For grown-up people are not strong enough to exult in monotony. But perhaps God is strong enough to exult in monotony. It is possible God says every morning, “Do it again” to the sun; and every evening, “Do it again” to the moon. It may not be automatic necessity to make all daisies appear alike; it may be that God makes every daisy separately, but has never grown tired of making them. It may be that He has the eternal appetite for infancy: for we have sinned and grown old, and our Father is younger than we.”

Sometimes when I sit quietly and open myself to what Chesterton says in these few words and what Sacred Spirit speaks to me when I reflect on them, I am literally stunned into silence; and then I shiver.

Children have not forgotten how to experience our world with a sense of wonder and awe. Noted Jewish philosopher Abraham Heschel, one of my very favorite authors, calls this capacity for reverence in life “radical amazement” and affirms that the spiritual journey cannot be completed until we regain this inborn spiritual quality. Heschel makes this statement, “The beginning of awe is wonder and the beginning of wisdom is awe.” When I first discovered these words, I pondered on the meaning for weeks and eventually discovered by doing so I totally lost their true import. I have come to see that Heschel is alluding to the fact that true wisdom begins with the experience of awe, and this basic sense of “radical amazement” has its birth in a childlike wonder at the incredible thing we flippantly call “life” ; the unfathomable creation that surrounds us every moment. I will let Heschel say the rest:

The secret of every being is the divine care and concern that are invested in it. Something sacred is at stake in every event…..The meaning of awe is to realize that life takes place under wide horizons, horizons that range beyond the span of an individual life or even the life of a nation, a generation, or an era. Awe enables us to perceive in the world intimations of the divine, to sense in small things the beginning of infinite significance, to sense the ultimate in the common and simple; to feel in the rush of the passing the stillness of the eternal.

Deep in my personal spirit, when it is connected with and animated by the Holy Spirit, I know with certainty that my daughter Salina innately understands this. She cannot articulate it with the eloquence of Heschel but she expresses this sense of radical amazement nonetheless. Every time she giggles when Daddy blows a bubble; every time she sits on the deck and watches birds feeding in the back yard and cows feeding in the field beyond; every time her eyes dance with wonder when she sees a sunset and screams, “Look Daddy, God is smiling,” – I know she gets it just as much as Heschel ever did and just as much as I long to once again.

© L.D. Turner 2008/All Rights Reserved

The Spiritual Responsibility of Fatherhood

Mick Turner

*** Although written from the perspective of fatherhood, all that follows pertains to mothers as well.

My wife is currently in China on business, as is the case quite often these days, and my four-year-old daughter Salina is home alone with Daddy. Lately, she has reminded me on several occasions what a awesome blessing being a father is, but also what an incredible responsibility a parent faces from the time a child enters the family until the time said child goes out on his or her own. I suspect the responsibility doesn’t end there, either.

 

Although Salina is only four, she is already participating in the soccer program at a local church. It is a great program for children and is entitled, “King’s Kids.” The program emphasizes not only soccer, but the spiritual life as well. Salina enjoys playing and her mom and I enjoy going and watching the kids go at on the soccer pitch.

 

After about the fourth game of the season, I noticed that my daughter had the habit of giving the ball to the opposing team whenever they approached her. If she was running down the field “dribbling” the ball with her foot other kids, as they should, would try to intercept her and steal the ball. What I noticed was that with Salina, stealing the ball was unnecessary. If an opposing player headed toward her, she merely passed the ball to her. This, of course, drove her coach a bit crazy but, to the coach’s credit, she well understood that these were four-year-olds here, not miniature, female versions of Pele.

 

Eventually, I made the decision to get to the bottom of this tendency my daughter had of turning the ball over so often. “Salina,” I asked her. “I have noticed that you often pass the ball to players on the other team when they try to take the ball away from you. What’s that all about?”

 

“Well, Daddy,” she said with eyes filled with innocence. “You told me I should always share. I just wanted to share my ball with them.”

 

There you have it. From her perspective, she was doing the right thing, the noble thing. And why was sharing the right thing to do? Because Daddy told her so.

 

That seemingly insignificant event was a bit of an epiphany for me. Things that we adults often say with out much thought have an impact that runs much deeper than we realize. For Salina, Daddy’s lesson that she should always share evidently took hold. I am glad that this particular lesson did sink in, but it also brought to my awareness the importance of paying attention to what we teach our children, with directly or indirectly. This is especially significant when it comes to spiritual matters.

 

By the term “spiritual matters” I don’t just men things about God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, etc. I am also referring to issues related to spiritual values like sharing, honesty, integrity, kindness, etc. What we teach our children about these things will have an impact as they grow and develop. And please understand you fathers who may read this (and mothers) – no one else is going to teach them. It is not the school’s job to teach these values, it is not the church’s job to do it, and it sure isn’t the peer group’s job. It is your responsibility to impart a solid, biblical code of ethics to your children. You cannot and should not ever abdicate this task. And, when you really think about it, you really don’t want the school and the peer group teaching your child right from wrong. Hopefully, the church does this but please remember that what the church does along these lines should only help support what you began at home, not replace it.

 

Being a father is not so much a task, however, as it is an honor, a blessing, and a privilege.

 

Another incident that brought this message of parental blessing and responsibility occurred a few nights ago. Since she was old enough to walk, part of our nightly ritual has included me giving Salina her bath, drying her and putting her to bed. This is usually followed by a bed time prayer and reading a story to her (or, telling her one that I made up.) Until a few months ago, I did the praying because Salina didn’t want to say prayers out loud. Around the beginning of the summer, she began to pray as well. She would recite the famous “Now I lay me down to sleep….” or one of the meal time prayers she had learned at her Day School. I was totally unprepared, however, for what happened a few nights later.

 

After we got into bed, Salina asked if she could say the prayer. I told her I would like that very much, wondering which prayer she would recite. Instead, she began to pray her own prayer, asking God to bless Mommy and Daddy and a host of others. More amazing, she began to use many of the words and phrases she has heard me use in our prayers. She used the exact words and even with the same cadence to her prayers. This just floored me.

 

“And Dear God, bless my Mommy and fill her heart with your light….Let the light of your blessed Spirit shine through us and touch each person we meet tomorrow…”

 

It is such a strange feeling when you hear your own words of prayer come back at you, especially from the lips and the heart of your child.

 

I was not only moved by the way she prayed, but also felt again the overwhelming impact our words can have on our children, for good or bad. All these months as I prayed with her, I felt that she was a passive participant, perhaps sitting there half asleep.

 

I was so mistaken!

 

Instead of being a drowsy participant in our prayer time, she was like a little spiritual sponge, soaking up every word, phrase, and even the rhythm of my prayers. It is difficult to put into words all the things I felt that night as I listened to Salina’s first personal prayers. Certainly joy and wonder were a part of it, but there was again, just as when I questioned her about her soccer play, the almost overwhelming sense of personal responsibility.

 

Think of it this way my friend. When God chooses you to be a parent; when he places a new life in the womb of your wife, he is also placing something in your heart as well. God is blessing you, a father, with the joy and the responsibility of caring for not only your child, but His child. God is entrusting to you the care, nurturance, and spiritual upbringing of one of his very own. Think about this act. I mean, really think about it. Take some time out and prayerfully ask the Holy Spirit to impart to you the deep understanding of what it means to be the father of one of God’s very own children. Yes, this child is also your child, but he or she is God’s child first. And God thinks highly enough of you to raise that child.

 

What an honor! What a blessing! And man, what a responsibility!

 

Friends, this parenting role that we have is a distinctively holy business. I think I was aware of this truth before last week, but somehow not in the deep sense I am aware of it now. Speaking as a father, I can say that I have come to the realization that in many ways, the first, and all too often, the lasting image a child has of God is somehow mysteriously formed in his or her interactions with we fathers. Again, the responsibility is incredible. When I really think about it, I also understand that as fathers and mothers, too, we parents are in the memory making business. We give our children many things, including mental images that remain in the mind for life. This, too, is a huge responsibility.

 

As I prayed about these new insights and revelations, I asked God to guide me and support me in my role as a father. In doing so, I also realized that God wanted me to be a father, but more than that, he wanted me to be a “Daddy” – just as he is. I am to strive to be consistent in my ministry as an “Abba.”

 

Words like awe, wonder, and the like are woefully insufficient in describing the response you will have when you take this reality deep into your soul. A term I first heard used by the Jewish theologian Abraham Heschel comes to mind:

 

Radical amazement!

 

I realized in that prayer time two other important truths that are fundamental to success as an Abba. These truths are simple but foundational:

 

There is no way I can do this alone.

 

I don’t have to.

 

 

© L.D. Turner 2008/All Rights Reserved

 

 

 

 

The High Honor of Marriage and Parenting

Mick Turner

I have increasingly come to the awareness that we are placed where we are for a reason. The wisdom of God has arranged for us the very circumstances we need in order to step outside of our own self-absorption and sense of self-importance and develop a heart of intimate compassion for and with those precious beings that are a part of our daily lives. I am especially speaking of our family members.

 

Perhaps nowhere is the development of kindness and compassion more difficult than within the parameters of familial relations. The very proximity of husbands, wives, fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, and even extended family often breeds not only familiarity, but also a sense of irritation, anger, and even downright loathing when those closest to us consistently step on our toes, push our buttons, or otherwise rain on our parade. Yet it is in this very cauldron of familiarity and conflict that we have our golden chance to become less of a monster and more of a saint. Moreover, unless we can incarnate patience, tolerance, love, and acceptance where we have been placed, all other aspects of our spiritual endeavoring are empty.

 

The demands of being a centered, caring spouse or incarnating divine virtues to our children should be goals for each of us. Too often, however, most of us tend to forget exactly what it is we are called to when it comes to fulfilling our roles as parents or marriage partners. The same is often true when it comes to being sincere believers who just happen to be children of parents that are less than reasonable. Indeed, my friend, it is so easy to forget what it is we are called to.

 

 Put in general terms, we are called to give flesh to grace and feet to love. We are to forgive even seventy times seven and go the extra mile, whatever the situation might require or entail. These are lofty words indeed and they are standards that I cannot live up to, at least when left to my own devices. It is far easier for me to fail than succeed when it comes to manifesting a proactive kindness in my roles as a family member. Still, I am aware that I don’t have to go it alone and further, God would have never given me the high honor of being a husband and a father if he didn’t intend for me to succeed. In my moments of doubt and trembling, I know divine help is available.

 

Christian author Gary Thomas has written a couple of books that deal with these issues from the perspective of the spiritual journey. Sacred Marriage and the second book, Sacred Parenting, are written from the perspective that being a spouse or a parent is part of God’s overall design to provide us with an environment where we can die and rise to a new life. Like all things in the on the spiritual path, it involves dying to self in service to others. Thomas tells us:

 

Let’s accept that both marriage and parenting provide many good moments while also challenging us to the very root of our being. Let’s admit that family life tries us as perhaps nothing else does; but let’s also accept that, for most of us, this is God’s call and part of his plan to perfect us. Once we realize that we are sinners, that the children God has give us are sinners, and that together, as a family, we are to grow toward God, then family life takes on an entirely new purpose and context. It becomes a sacred enterprise when we finally understand that God can baptize dirty diapers, toddler’s tantrums, and teenagers’ silence in order to transform us into people who more closely resemble Jesus Christ.

 

As we begin to see that our function as parents is intimately related to our spiritual journey, this opens up the possibility of viewing family life from a wholly different perspective. For decades now, the dominant view in developmental psychology and especially in parenting has espoused the importance of “child-centered” parenting. Certainly being centered on the child is a positive thing, as long as it is not carried too far. If a parent becomes overly child centered, it basically does the child an injustice.

 

When I lived in China I witnessed an interesting yet alarming pattern in the raising of children. Briefly, the trend was to excessively dote on the children, especially the males, and do every thing you could as a parent for the child. This pattern came about largely due to the one child policy in China. Many Chinese children were “only children” and the parents and grandparents lavished this single child with anything he wanted. The result has been the raising of an entire generation of “little emperors,” who are basically boys that expect their every need to be met and met immediately. These kids, some of whom are now beginning to reach adulthood, are impulsive, childish, dependent, and especially demanding. This is what happens when the philosophy of child-centered parenting is carried too far.

 

What Thomas is talking about is an alternative paradigm – “God-centered” parenting. Our roles as mothers and fathers are carried out through a sense of reverence for God. Further, we recognize that our children are special gifts from God and have been entrusted to us for care, nurturance, and education. When we recognize that our duties as parents are a central part of our spiritual journey in general and our reverence for God in particular, our motivation changes. There is no longer a struggle between meeting the children’s needs and fulfilling your own needs. It is, instead, a journey of respect and reverence for God and is also a matter of our own obedience to God and service to the person he has placed in front of us.

 

The same idea holds true for the marital relationship. In putting God first in our relationship with our spouse, our marriage becomes more God-centered. Our post-modern culture perhaps rails at this paradigm, but that doesn’t make it any less viable. In my own marriage, I have come to the stark realization that I am being asked by God to “serve” my wife. I am to love her as Christ loves the church and this also means I am to serve her as Christ serves the church. Looked at from this God-centered paradigm, the whole debate about “submission” becomes moot.

 

I will close with another quotation from Gary Thomas. Although he is speaking here of parenting, the themes he addresses also apply to marriage. I would like to highly recommend both of these books by Thomas. As in the following passage, both books get right to the heart of the message:

 

Christian parenting is truly a sacred journey. It invites us parents to purify ourselves, to use the process of raising kids to perfect holiness, and to do this consistently, every day, out of reverence for God. If we enter it armed with this understanding, each segment will gain new meaning and purpose – even the difficult ones…..We live in the midst of holy teachers. Sometimes they spit up on themselves or on us. Sometimes they throw tantrums. Sometimes they cuddle us and kiss us and love us. In the good and the bad they mold our hearts, shape our souls, and invite us to experience God in newer and deeper ways. Although we may shed many tears along this sacred journey of parenting, numerous blessings await us around every bend in the road.

 

The old adage about serving where you are planted is especially relevant to our roles as husbands, wives, mothers, and fathers. Go to God in prayer, expressing gratitude for the honor of being chosen for such a high responsibility and asking for wisdom, support, guidance, and love.

 

© L.D. Turner 2008/All Rights Reserved

The Fragrance of God

Mick Turner

This morning when I woke up and shook the fog out of my head, I became aware that I was thinking back on an experience I had undergone many years ago. Perhaps I had dreamed about it or it could be that the Sacred Spirit was bringing it to my attention for some reason. As I go through my day I need to be aware of this, in case the Spirit is indeed trying to communicate something to me. I have found that, at least in my case, God often gets messages past my thick mind by speaking to me in this indirect but unmistakable manner.

 

Sometimes I wish I could hear from God a little more easily. I find myself from time to time wishing that I could just walk out in my back yard first thing in the morning and find God waiting there to talk to me out of a burning bush. I would even settle for a braying donkey.  It doesn’t matter so much how he did it, just that it was a little less troublesome and inconsistent.

 

My old friend Jesse often tells me that God speaks to all of us all of the time, but we rarely have ears to hear. He claims that many people’s dependence upon thing like Bible reading, sermon-listening, and book study have blinded us, or perhaps I should say deafened us, to the crystal clear voice of God. For Jesse, God speaks through three primary media, nature, the inner light and other seekers. It could very well be that Jesse is right when he says we have become so dependent upon the ways we have been instructed to hear God’s voice that we can’t discern his speaking when it comes in other ways.

 

Jesse reminds me of my grandfather when he talks like this. I have mentioned my grandfather before on this blog. A southern, rural man to the core, my grandfather was devoutly attuned to the rhythms of the natural world. As a child I often marveled at his knowledge, wisdom, and uncanny ability to see things that others couldn’t see. A Quaker and a mystic by birth, from the time he was a teenager my grandfather was a consternation to his parents because of his stubborn resistance to going to First Day Meeting as the Society of Friends called it. “Church” is basically what it was to others. This resistance did not go away once my grandfather reached his adult years and now, rather than to my great-grandparents, his absence became a consternation to his wife, my grandmother.

 

The reason I mention all of this is that it was often through my grandfather that I learned that God did indeed speak through venues other than the church, the preacher, the Bible, and, in his day, radio-evangelists. I carry to this day one distinct memory of my grandfather’s approach to religion that was for me an epiphany of sorts. I was 12-years-old and our family was visiting my grandparents during the Easter season. Little did I know at the time that this would be a Palm Sunday I would never forget.

 

As usual, my grandfather had resisted the family’s repeated entreaties that he join them for the Sunday morning meeting at the “Meeting House.” Even more to my surprise, he asked me if I wanted to stay home with him and “help him take care of a few things.” You can’t imagine my delight at this turn of events. I responded that I would love to stay home and help him and that pretty much settled the matter.

 

After putting out some extra feed for his two mules, my grandfather took me for a walk in the woods adjacent to his farm. Eventually we came to a clearing, a meadow actually, that was dotted with patches of wild flowers. From our vantage point, the meadow seemed to extend forever and the patches of flowers were like explosions of color in a sea of green. As was often the case, we walked and talked about all kinds of things. I had something I wanted to ask him about and finally got around to it, although I was somewhat apprehensive about asking him.

 

“PaPa,” I began. “Why is it you never go to church with the family? I have only seen you go a couple of times. Do you hate church?”

 

“No, son….I don’t hate church. In fact, I like it,” he replied, chuckling under his breath. “I just like to spend my Sabbath day being with God.”

 

I recall being mystified by his answer and, after scratching my head for a minute or two, go around to asking the logical question a 12-year-old boy might ask.

 

“But church is where God is,” I said. “If you want to be with God, why don’t you go to church? It doesn’t make sense, PaPa.”

 

“God isn’t in church much these days, son. At least I haven’t seen him there in awhile,” responded PaPa. “At church preachers preach (they were Evangelical Quakers), singers sing, prayers pray, and gossipers gossip. That doesn’t leave much time for God to say anything.”

 

I remember he paused for quite awhile to let his words sink into my still young mind.

 

“I figure if I need to be with God, to talk to him and listen to him, I need to come out here where it is quiet,” he continued. “God didn’t build that church, but he sure as hell made these woods and this meadow. I figure if I want to talk to God I need to go where he lives.”

 

“I think I understand, PaPa,” I recall saying. “But isn’t religion important? My Mom says my religion is the most important part of life and that when I grow up, I can’t live without it.”

 

After a long silence, my grandfather looked me squarely in the eyes and told me in no uncertain terms what he thought about my question.

 

“Just keep in mind a few things and it will make your spiritual life easier and less troublesome,” he said. “First, understand that religion doesn’t have anything to do with God, and vice versa.” My grandfather had to explain what vice versa meant. I was only 12.

 

“Religion is an invention, just like the wheel and the telephone,” PaPa continued. “Spirituality is sometimes a part of religion but most of the time it isn’t. Unlike religion, spirituality is not an invention. It is something as much a part of being human as breathing, sleeping, and sex. All of those things are built into us from the start. So is spirituality. Our job is to make our lives spiritual every day. Religion is supposed to help with that, but most of the time it prevents spirituality, it doesn’t create it.”

 

I guess my grandfather was one of the early people to be dealing with the religion vs. spirituality conflict. These days the familiar adage about being spiritual but not religious is so commonplace it has lost much of its real impact. I should not be surprised, however, at my grandfather’s words. As I mentioned, he was a Quaker and a mystic throughout his life. In fact, he knew the Quaker mystic Rufus Jones quite well and often told stories about Jones. I never had the opportunity to meet Rufus Jones, although I would have loved to. Jones died in 1948 I think, which was a year before my birth.

 

As for me, I was thoroughly confused by this time. I struggled to understand what my PaPa had said, especially the business about spirituality and religion. I asked grandfather if he could tell me again about the difference between the two. Here is where the epiphany came in and also where Rufus Jones fits into this story.

 

“Come over here,” said PaPa as he got up and walked toward one of the flower explosions in the meadow. “Now, pay close attention and I think you will get the picture.”

 

Grandfather kneeled down and picked an absolutely beautiful bright purple flower. As I knelt beside him, he said, “I want to teach you something Rufus Jones taught me many years ago. This is probably the most beautiful flower in this whole meadow. Imagine this is the church. Sometimes churches can be really beautiful places, inside and out. And the folks inside can be beautiful, too.”

 

I listened carefully and appreciated the flower, but wasn’t sure what he was getting at.

 

“Now, hold the flower to your nose and take a good whiff. Smell it deeply.”

 

Taking a deep breath I held the flower to my nose and smelled of it. Oddly, there was no fragrance, either good or bad.

 

“There is no smell, PaPa,” I reported.

 

“Isn’t it strange that a flower so attractive can have no fragrance?” said PaPa. “Churches can be like that as well. Our family goes to a church a lot like that.”

 

He then picked another flower, not unattractive by any means, but far less striking than the first. He held it to my nose.

 

“It is wonderful, PaPa,” I said after drinking deeply of the fragrance of this rather ordinary looking flower. “What is it, PaPa?”

 

“Spirituality,” he said in a serene voice filled with certainty.

 

© L.D. Turner 2008/All Rights Reserved

Wise Words for Today

Without wonder, we approach spiritual formation as a self-help project…..Unfortunately, we do not live in a world that promotes or encourages wonder. Wonder is natural and spontaneous to all of us. When we were children, we were in a constant state of wonder. The world was new, tumbling in on us in profusion. We staggered through each day fondling, looking, tasting. Words were wondrous. Running was wondrous. Touch, taste, sounds were all wonders. We lived in a world of wonders.

Eugene Peterson

(from Living the Resurrection)

Another Busy Day

Today has been quite hectic. I got out of bed at 4:30 this morning and, after a short quiet time, got to work. I was on a noon deadline and I had about 3500 words worth of material to churn out. My keyboard was clicking away long before my wife and four-year-old daughter got out of bed. Anyway, I got through it all just fine, met the deadline, and was able to kick back on the deck for a few much-needed moments.

I ran across this passage from Anthony DeMello, in his book The Way of Love. I thought I might share them with you. They were pertinent to me as I love roses, have a small child, and am an unashamed mystic.

Compare the serene and simple splendor of a rose in bloom with the tensions and restlessness of your life. The rose has a gift that you lack; It is perfectly content to be itself. It has not been programmed from birth, as you have been, to be dissatisfied with itself, so it has not the slightest urge to be anything other than it is. That is why it possesses the artless grace and absence of inner conflict that among humans is only found in little children and mystics.

In some very relevant way, God gave me just what I needed as I tried to get centered there on my back deck. Sometimes life is amazing.

Mick

A Blessed Day

Just wanted to let readers know that today is a very blessed and special day in the Turner home. Four years ago today, May 18, 2004, our daughter Salina was born and our lives were forever changed. If you have been reading this blog for awhile, you may be aware that little Salina was an unexpected gift from God, yet one that we love and treasure beyond description.

My wife Li and I were living in China, working as tent-maker missionaries by teaching at a large university on the coast of Guangdong Province. We returned to the States after five years of rewarding and fulfilling kingdom work in late March, 2003. About a month after our return, I celebrated my 54th birthday. Li celebrated her birthday eight days later (I won’t reveal her age) as she would not appreciate that disclosure. Let’s just say she is in her mid-30’s and leave it at that.

The reason I mention our ages is related to the fact that, even though we had thought of having children, discussed it often, and both loved children, we never seriously considered it, mostly due to age. You can imagine our complete surprise when, in August, 2003 we discoved that Li was, indeed, pregnant. After regaining conciousness, I had a long talk with God (I did all the talking) and, after expressing my myriad emotions (joy, fear, utter surprise, anxiety) I thanked the Lord for blessing us in this way and, at the same time, made an earnest appeal for his strength, wisdom, and fortitude. I recall that after this prayer session a deep sense of peace came over me and, although I cannot explain it to anyone’s satisfaction, I deeply understood that Li’s pregnancy and our pending parenthood was the divine will of the Father. At times during the months of pregnancy this peace left me (or more likely I left it), it always returned. For this I am eternally grateful.

This story could go on and on, but I won’t put you through that. Suffice to say that we learned much by all  of this and have learned even more since May 18, 2004. The big lessons I think relate mostly to trusting God and allowing his wisdom to override your fears. I often had to do that. You see, returning missionaries are many things I guess, but one thing they are not is rich. In fact, the first 12 months back in America were a trial to say the very least. We both eventually began to work, but Li had to take it easy due to the fact that she had lost a baby years before. I went to work writing for a local newspaper and did freelance work for magazines and, with God’s care, we made it just fine, albeit on the cusp of disaster on several occasions. Miracuoulsy, however, God always provided.

Things were even more complicated due to the fact that it during this period that I was getting LifeBrook Ministries off the ground. During Li’s pregnancy I went through the planning stage right into implementation and opening the ministry. We spent more than a few sleepless nights with me writing and Li dealing with incessant waves of nausea. The issue here, however, is that The Lord Always Was There And Always Gave Us What We Needed.

As I look back on these past four years, there is so much I could write about, but, as I said, I will cut it short. Today we celebrate Salina’s fourth birthday. Our marriage is great, and, as a couple, I feel we are closer than ever. LifeBrook Ministries is flourishing and I am privileged to be able to do the work the Lord has called me to do. Our family is economically sound but far from materially wealthy. Please, however, understand that there are many other kinds of wealth and, with that, our vaults are overflowing.

Parenthood is a huge responsibility and a huge blessing rolled into one. Each step of the way I have believed in and, most of the time, felt,  God’s presence, guidance, and fidelity. More and more I am aware of the work of the Holy Spirit in my life, in Li’s life, and in Salina’s young life.

Dear Father of Lights, thank you for blessing this family in so many, many ways – both seen and unseen. And please Lord, continue to reveal your will and your calling on the Turner household and empower us with the qualities needed to meet that calling and carry out your divine plan. Amen.

 

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